True Friends Help Strengthen Marriages

With Valentine’s Day coming up in a few weeks, I have been doing quite a bit of thinking and praying for marriages. Marriages seem to be under attack in our culture. One wonders what has happened to the “ALL IN” commitment that used to be the foundation of the “for better or worse” promise, spoken in marriage vows. So today I challenge you to join me as I ask myself each day, “Am I all in for better or for worse and am I living like I mean it, today?”

Marriages have seasons. There are ups and downs as two imperfect people learn how to live together and love one another. The kind of love needed to keep a marriage alive, growing and strong takes a decision or a mindset that strives to consider another person’s needs as more important than one’s own needs. When I made my commitment to marriage, I considered it a covenant with no wiggle room for an opt-out clause. Therefore, it is my responsibility to live every day “ALL IN”, for better or for worse. I am willing to invest, invest, invest, regardless of how I feel…………because I made a covenant of love with the man I married in the presence of the God I serve.

But what do I do when we hit a rough patch? How do we navigate the storms of life that rock our marriages today? Where do we turn to get the encouragement we need when our relationships need help?

Today as I spent time walking on a beautiful trail near my house, I listened to a podcast from Family Life Today called How Marriages Get Better. You can listen to it by clicking here or go to http://familylifetoday.com/program/how-marriages-get-better/. What I gleaned from this story of John and Pam McGee was that the two most important things I can do to have a great marriage are 1) do my part to cherish my husband and daily show him love and respect and 2) have a few trusted friends to turn to for wise advice, Godly counsel and prayer to keep me accountable regarding “doing my part”. Both of these things require me to be my whole and healthy self. And for me that means being connected to Jesus, my source of strength and my joy.

An author I love, Shawna Niequist, said it so profoundly…I will just quote her with a few tweaks to make it personal for me…She shared her heart…..”I’m finding my ability to sit with Jesus makes me more present and connected to those I love. As I create space within myself to be heard by the actual person of Christ, my capacity to hear the people I love is increasing. And my sense of strength, deep inside myself grows and grows…….I might be doing it wrong in someone else’s view. But as I sit, my heart grows more compassionate. My gratitude increases. I become more humble, more thankful, less fearful. So maybe there isn’t a wrong on this one, so long as it’s yielding a God-ward heart. And at the end of it all, at the center of it all, that’s the whole of who I am: this God-ward heart.”

When we hit a rough patch in our marriage I want to always remember to go to God with a fully surrendered heart, and eyes open. I want to find the spots in me that need refining. I will ask a trusted friend for help and prayers so I can take a closer look at how I am contributing to the problem. Actually, having one or two great friends that walk beside me in good times and tough times is a much needed life necessity!!!

I am looking for friends that will have my back, friends that will hold my arms up, friends that will support me and help me be the best person I can be. Friends that will always expect me to keep my word, keep my marriage as a top priority and show love and respect to my man. “A trustworthy person who will offer me friendship that is grace based, Christ-centered, intentionally intrusive and redemptive.” Chose friends that know both you and your husband., friends that you naturally do life with, friends who can speak truth into your marriage. Find friends that you respect, people that will support your desire to never give up. Chose friends that will be truth tellers. Choose friends that will keep your heart protected by total confidentiality.

One great quote from the How Marriages get Better podcast was, “Working on yourself, irrespective of what your mate does, isn’t easy, but it’s the right path to take when a marriage is strained.”

What friends do you have that have the guts to ask the hard questions about how you treat your spouse, how you are investing in your marriage and how you are undermining your marriage? Will they walk with you as you open your heart God-ward and commit to grow and change?

So today I challenge you to join me as I ask myself each day, “Am I all in for better or for worse and am I living like I mean it, today?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paul David Tripp