Remodeling My Heart

Remodeling my heart….
Many of you know that we have been in a renovation/remodeling process for over 6 months. What started as an innocent pool of water in front of our refrigerator in November, has been a time of waiting, wondering, planning, decision making, waiting some more and waiting some more. Now that we are into the renovation process, full swing, a friend asked me how I have been remodeling my heart and my life? So I started to ponder……and one of the things I realized was that I am uncomfortable with uncertainty. Give me a task to do and I am on it! Give me a challenge and I am not afraid to take risks to conquer the hard stuff. Give me a problem to solve and I not only like the end result of solving the problem…I love the process…(probably why I am someone who loves math)….but fill my life with the unknown, time frames that are indefinite and general day to day uncertainty and I go a little nuts! I like to make leadership decisions and I love responsibility but I do not like it when I do not have enough information to make good decisions. I also do not like having too many options to choose from. I usually know what I do not like but sometimes narrowing down the things I DO like to make one final decision is difficult. Part of the problem is that things and stuff do not matter that much to me. I am passionate about people NOT possessions. I love having a home to open up to share with people but the actual stuff in my house is not that important to me. So all of these discoveries have come upon me because of all the uncertainty in a renovation/remodeling project.
It is not that I am an impatient person, but I am a person who likes to plan, have an understanding of what I am up against and know a bit about what lies ahead. I fully understand that I will face uncertainty in my life. And I truly know in my heart that the problems I have been facing are 1st world problems. I am not homeless, I am not starving, I am not facing a chronic or terminal disease and I have a husband and family that love me. So with that declared and understood, I am determined to learn all that I can during this time of uncertainty. I am learning new skills, a new vocabulary (construction/kitchen renovation terms), new things about appliances and electrical circuits and gas lines, and experiencing many aspects of life that I have never experienced before. I am meeting new people and am enjoying watching them work at their profession. I learned the new skill of wallpaper removal and will in the future leave that to the professionals!!!

Yesterday at church we had a teaching on UNCERTAINTY, out of the book of Joshua. It was one of those days when I knew the message for just for me. Joshua was a military leader that was called to fight against the Amalekites. He was the right hand man to Moses. He was a witness to many of the amazing things that God did during the wilderness wanderings of the Israelites. When Joshua was called to lead the Israelites into the Promised Land he was filled with uncertainty. He had to trust in God through his uncertainty. He had to be strong and courageous.
I am not equating my task of managing a kitchen remodel with Joshua’s task of leading the Israelites. But the lessons that Joshua learned helped me see how trusting God in the midst of my uncertainty will be very beneficial for the days ahead.
We all have uncertainty in life. Yet, in the midst of our uncertainty, we have significance. God may not spell out the exact purpose or plan for every detail of my life, but He gives me significance. He points me in the right direction, as I trust Him day by day. I can fight against the uncertainties in my life by focusing on the certainty of God’s presence. I can remember that God has done great things for me and through me in the past. God promises to be with me always. He will help me be strong as I wait for clarity and have patience when the plans keep changing. He will give me clear direction to deal with the uncertainty. I can use my down time to read and absorb more of God’s truths that He teaches me from the bible. The encouragement is that our goal for reading the bible is not to just get THROUGH it, but to allow the word of God to get THROUGH me and allow it to transform my life. So I will keep learning, keep trusting, stay patient and remember that God will be with me in my uncertainty. This is a perfect time for me to allow God to remodel my heart.

So this week, instead of worrying about when will the workers come, how long will this take, will they be done on time?…….Did I pick the right paint colors, will I still like my countertops once they get installed or any of those eternally unimportant things…I will focus on the people that are coming in and out of my home now and see if I can figure out how to bless them and encourage them. And I will look forward with certainty that someday soon I will once again have a clean and orderly home that I will happily fill with family and friends. I will spend my days trusting in the certainty of a God who loves me and will always be with me.