Communicating in Relationships Using Love Languages
Do you ever feel like certain ways of communication that resonate with you do not for someone else? Maybe that is because how your love tank is filled is not the same as another. Gary Chapman wrote a book called “The 5 Love Languages” that explains his conclusion that there are “five emotional love languages – five ways that people speak and understand emotional love.”
He states in his book, “Inside every child is an ’emotional tank’ waiting to be filled with love. When a child really feels loved, he will develop normally, but when the love tank is empty, the child will misbehave. Much of the misbehavior of children is motivated by the cravings of an empty ‘love tank’…The emotional need for love, however, is not simply a childhood phenomenon. That need follows us into adulthood and into marriage.”
Learning about my love languages and the love languages of others has significantly benefitted my relationships, especially my marriage. When you really take the time to learn about someone and learn how to communicate with them, you will connect with them in ways you never thought possible. But, first, let’s learn about the different love languages…
Words of Affirmation
- Using words to build up
- Express verbal appreciation
- Encouraging words – “Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from (another’s) perspective”
- Tone of voice makes a difference – messages are often more interpreted by tone of voice, not the words we use
- Ideas: write someone a nice note, go out of your way to give someone encouragement, give compliments, tell someone how you appreciate their strengths
Quality Time
- The need for undivided attention
- Avoid distractions – maintain eye contact
- Quality conversations – “sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and desires”
- Genuine desire to understand thoughts, feelings,
Couples Improve Communication by Sharing a Passion
Communication is key in relationships. Growing together in marriage takes time, focused attention and a decision to always be a student of your spouse-their likes and dislikes, their hopes and dreams, their struggles and their concerns. As we mature, we see the reality of the commitment and hard work that is needed to keep the love in marriage fresh and exciting. Marriage is not 50-50…yes there will be compromise and some give and take but unless each one of you are willing to give 100% there will be heartache. Marriages can become stagnant, spouses can get too busy with the children’s activities and all the time it takes to raise the kids. Marriage partners can drift apart as each one pursues their own passions and goals. There are no perfect marriages because there are no perfect people. Most marriages have problems with unrealistic expectations and unspoken expectations.
So, how do we carve out time in our busy lives to stay connected? How do we create non-threatening opportunities to discuss our feelings, talk about things we as couples need to work on and learn ways we can serve our spouses better? When is it appropriate to have conversations about our hopes and dreams without making our spouse feel like we are dissatisfied?
One of our favorite things to do together is to go up into the mountains and hike. When we were younger, we went backpacking almost every summer. There is something marvelous about getting out on the trail. Fresh air, beautiful mountains and trees, blue sky and God’s creation all around. For us, the mountains simply “restore our souls”. As we hike together, we reconnect. Sometimes we have serious conversations. Sometimes we solve problems. Sometimes we just walk in silence side by side and enjoy the beauty-the exquisite uniqueness in …
Read MoreCreating Excitement Around the Table
Meals with little ones can be a struggle. Trying to get the kids to eat, teaching manners, trying again to get them to eat…it is exhausting.
I have found that cooking meals together creates more excitement around the table.
It might seem simple, but thinking of the cooking as a learning and bonding experience brings that attitude to the meal. Rather than seeing the frustrating and annoying things happening at the table, you see the meal you worked on as a family AND chances to teach and learn and grow together as a family!
I find that cooking together also creates an excitement to EAT the meal. PRAISE THE LORD! A meal the kids actually want to eat!!
Cooking together is also a great time to practice counting, measuring, taking turns, sharing, listening, and all sorts of fun learning experiences!
How do you create excitement around meals for your family?
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Connecting at the Dinner Table – Active Listening
Do you ever feel like there are so many distractions around you that you are always half listening to those you are having conversations with? Technology, noise, fulfilling others needs…how do you connect when there always seems to be something pulling you in a different direction than where you can be fully present?
Malinda Carlson from the blog A Fine Parent says, “Active listening paves the way for us to have a better relationship with our kids. To feel listened to is to feel respected, valued, and loved. When our kids feel like we really listen to them, it builds their confidence and self-esteem. It reduces arguments. It makes them feel intelligent and capable. It builds emotional intelligence….Active listening is a way of fully hearing what the other person is saying. Not just assuming we know what they’re going to say after hearing the first two words and then spending the rest of the time they are talking preparing a perfect response. Instead, active listening focuses on dropping assumptions and working to understand the feelings, motives, and views of the other person.”
My husband and I are in a stage where there aren’t many dinner conversations with our daughter as she is 15 months old. However, because our little one is not talking much yet, it is especially important for us to be fully present when she is trying to communicate with signs or other cues she uses to help ensure her needs are met, but also so that she is validated in her efforts to communicate with us! It may be easy for us to throw food on her tray and let her be but that doesn’t allow any of us to connect or communicate with each other.
Focus on the Family offers practical advice on the importance of …
Read MoreAround the Table-Communicating with our Children
This week we will be sharing about the importance of developing good communication with the members of your family. Summer time schedules are more relaxed and there is less urgency in the daily routine. This is a perfect time to start some new fun traditions around the table. It can be at breakfast when the children are beginning their day or at dinnertime when dad is home and everyone is settling in after a fun summer day full of activities. Some families have a table full of talkative children while others struggle to get their kids to answer questions with more than one word answers.
We raised girls, so talking around the table was not a difficult thing to accomplish. They all seemed eager to share their thoughts and discuss the newest activities they were involved in each night. We occasionally had to referee who needed to take a break and let another sister have a turn, but for the most part we had a lively dinner conversation each night. When our daughters had friends over we usually had to warn the visitors about the topics that might come up at dinner since my husband is a Pediatrician. He would never share anything confidential but he would tell some of the funny things he talks about with the kids.
But for some of my friends, it was a different story. Some moms would complain that they never knew what was going on because their kids just didn’t talk much. So whether you have talkers or non-talkers, it is important to create a safe and healthy environment with your children regarding communication. Children should feel understood and be allowed to ask questions and talk freely with you about any subject. They should feel very secure knowing that if they ask you …
Sharing YOUR Favorite Things With Friends
Summer is a great time to share time with friends. School is out, schedules are simplified, and the days are long. Fill those long days with friends and simple activities!
I am working on having more of an open home – inviting people over more often. I decided to host a couple events this week, and it was SO fun!
In the past, I have felt nervous about having people over. I get in my head, “my house is small, I’m not good at decorating, where will the kids hang out, what will we do, do I feed people?” The reality is, people LIKE to be invited to things and hang out with friends! I had the idea to host little get togethers with a theme – that way I feel like I clearly communicated what I would provide for the moms and kids, and it made me feel more comfortable having people over.
I focused on things the girls and I love and made it fun! Clearly, it isn’t “Come over and critique my decorating skills.” (wink!!)
We hosted a SHAKES AND SWIMMING day. It was a BLAST! The kids had so much fun and I was able to share things I love with friends and my girls right by my side the whole time. I have such a heart to share how my life has been impacted physically and financially the past couple years, and getting to do that alongside my girls fuels my passion for helping other moms do the same!
I would encourage you to share YOUR favorite things with your friends. Pick activities and things you like and invite others along. Picnic and Popsicles, Sandwiches and Swimming, Play at the park…So many moms are looking for friendship and just need a gentle nudge or push …
Read MoreSummertime, Outdoors, and Trying New Things
Summer is the perfect time to explore, try new things, get outdoors, and discover the world around you! What have you been putting off all year that you can try later? Have you been wondering what that new store is, where that new trail leads, or what that fun event entails? Take some time to plan out one or two new things a week to try on your own, try with your kids, try with your spouse. It can’t be that hard to plan one new thing a week right? Set a goal for yourself, grab a calendar, and start creating a plan.
My husband is off for the summer so I have been trying to think of one fun and new thing to try a week that we can do with our curious little boy. Some of the ideas we have thought of are zoo, train, new gym class, swim class, get new bubbles. He isn’t walking yet so it is a little limiting because he loves exploring but can’t crawl around everywhere we go.
More extensive list of things to try
- zoo
- train
- new park
- splash pad
- slip and slide
- sprinkler party
- homemade ice cream or popsicles
- hike
- boat ride
- read new book
- listen to new music
- build forts
- museum
- start a playgroup
- invite people over for popsicles and water
- water balloons
- beach
- bake with your kids
- design t-shirts
- take a trip just for fun
- find fun things at the dollar store
- give your kids $5 a month to spend at target
- make an activity jar for when your kids are “bored”
- paint rocks
- go berry or fruit picking
- concert in the park
- movie in the park
- geocaching
- farmers market
Just get outside! And don’t forget the sunscreen
Do you have any ideas to add? Please share!
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Read MoreCreative Ways to Memorize Scripture
It’s summer! Kids are out of school! That means 3 months of no learning, right?? Hate to break it to you kids, but not exactly! Summer is a great time to focus on some of the things that may get put on the back burner during the craziness of the school year, like memorizing Bible verses! Even if there is an emphasis in your house to do this all year round, use the summer months to try some more creative ways to get those verses ingrained in your kids! It is so important to communicate to your children the importance of memorizing Scripture, hiding it in your heart and filling your mind with God’s Word! Make it fun, and make it a family activity! Set goals of when to learn each verse and spend time at meals or when you are getting ready for bed to practice each part of the verse you have learned that week!
1. MUSIC
- Seeds of Character by Seeds Family Worship – Word-for-Word Scripture songs
- Hidden in My Heart: A Lullaby Journey Through Scripture – soothing, sleepy music based on Scripture
- Meet the Rizers – upbeat and very current, your kids will love them!
- Bear Hug Band – focuses more on character development, but has some Scripture in their songs
- Scripture Songs by Grace Evangelical Church
- Fighter Verses Songs – Word-for-Word Bible verses set to music specifically chosen to help believers to fight the fight of faith
- Steve Green: Hide ‘Em In Your Heart Vol 1 & 2 – throwing it back with Steve Green (We listened to him when we were young) but still a classic with straight Scripture put to song; Great for kids!
- GT and the Halo Express – Another that we listened to as kids – learn 100s of straight Scripture
Reading-A Fun Summer Activity, A Lifelong Gift
A Book by Edgar Guest
“Now” – said a good book unto me –
“Open my pages and you shall see
Jewels of wisdom and treasures fine,
Gold and silver in every line,
And you may claim them if you but will
Open my pages and take your fill.
“Open my pages and run them o’er,
Take what you choose of my golden store.
Be you greedy, I shall not care –
All that you seize I shall gladly spare;
There is never a lock on my treasure doors,
Come – here are my jewels, make them yours!
“I am just a book on your mantel shelf,
But I can be part of your living self;
If only you’ll travel my pages through,
Then I will travel the world with you.
As two wines blended make better wine,
Blend your mind with these truths of mine.
“I’ll make you fitter to talk with men,
I’ll touch with silver the lines you pen,
I’ll lead you nearer the truth you seek,
I’ll strengthen you when your faith grows weak –
This place on your shelf is a prison cell,
Let me come into your mind to dwell!”
Books are friends. The earlier you introduce books to your kids the more likely your kids will learn to love books. Memories are made as we lead our children into the world of imagination found in books. There are so many benefits to developing a child’s imagination. In reading, a child gets to create their own reality of what the characters look like and what the scenery looks like. Building their own strong character occurs as children identify with the heroes they meet in books. Security is transferred to a child who sits still on our lap while we read to them. Love and …
Read MoreTips For Moms: Taking Care of YOU
I know as moms we often come last. Ok, in reality, we ALWAYS come last. But it is so important to take time for you! Taking time for you and putting parts of yourself first make you a better mom!
This is going to look different for everyone, so come up with a few priorities.
Health, for our family, is a non-negotiable. If you aren’t taking care of your health it will make all the other parts of yourself difficult to manage. Our family has always been healthy, but in the past 2.5 years we have taken steps to take our healthy living to the next level. By fueling our bodies with nutrient dense shakes, phytonutrient greens and fruits, and adaptogens to help our bodies manage stress – combined with a vitamin and mineral rich system to help our body rid itself of toxins. This has truly changed our health in so many ways. We have access to convenient meals, snacks, and drinks on the go. Fueling our bodies better has helped us to have the energy to truly enjoy every moment of life as a mom (both the good and bad). We are so passionate about helping moms in all stages of motherhood fuel their bodies better and gain energy so they can feel their best and be the best version of themselves for their family!
Once you have your health in order you will find that you have the mental clarity to prioritize other parts of your life that need extra attention.
If connection is important to you, make play dates, mom’s nights, and date night a priority in your schedule.
If you value exercise, find the right place that you can combine your love of fitness with your family and childcare needs. I have loved …
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