Feeling Important-Honoring a Loved One
When we have opportunities to honor or bless someone we love at a birthday, anniversary or special event, we take the time to think about what that person means to us and try to create ways to make them feel important. We plan a party, we cook their favorite meal or invite over their special friends to help create a celebratory atmosphere. In our family, the honored guest chooses the menu for the meal and we set the special red plate at their place at the table. We incorporate the tradition of going around the table and saying something about the person being honored that day- some way they have blessed us or something about their character that we admire.
Honoring someone at a memorial service it a bit different. As I prepare for my dad’s gathering this coming weekend, I have been contemplating how to most respectfully honor him. The main difference at a memorial celebration is that the person being honored is not physically present. The memories shared and the blessing given are IN honor of the loved one. I want to write a tribute to my dad that will represent my feelings for him. I want to share with the guests how his life and his death have contributed to the person I am today and how this experience of grieving has changed me.
So as I have been praying about my tribute, a few things have come to my mind:
1. Consider my audience-who will be attending the service?
2. Consider my message-what do I want to say so that my words will leave a lasting tribute to my dad?
3. Consider my agenda-how can I be honest and honoring, sharing truth while delivering a blessing?
4. Consider the bigger spiritual purpose-how will I incorporate the lessons in life, (both positive and negative) that I have learned from my dad?
I had been considering writing a short poem to read at the gathering but wondered if that would be enough. As I was sharing my thought with Bekah, she had a great idea. She suggested I write the poem to share with the guest and then print up a “take home if you like” page with a picture and excerpts from my last two blog posts where I wrote my reflections on my dad’s death. So that is what I plan to do.
On Being Important
As a young man my dad was
Determined, he never quit.
Whatever he set his mind to he accomplished.
When others didn’t believe in him, he did.
He wanted to be important!
To his patients and colleagues my dad was
A Beloved doctor,
With a strong inquisitive mind.
Always an avid reader,
Analytical thinker, healer, very kind.
He was definitely important!
To his wine making buddies my dad was
A partner picking grapes in the vineyard,
Stomping and pressing the fruit.
Bottling and corking the wine,
He became a connoisseur.
This made him feel important!
On our family vacations my dad was
A Pt. Lobos expert, Carmel authority,
Fly fisherman and hiker in Yosemite,
Body surfer and sunbather in Hawaii.
A participant in good family times full of fun,
It was important to make memories!
In my childhood my dad was
Busy, not home very much.
Long days, long nights with him not around.
I filled my life with other special relatives and friends.
They made me feel important!
As a young adult my dad was
Absent, he had made a choice.
I got married and moved away physically.
He got married again and moved away emotionally.
We BOTH could have worked harder to make each other feel important!
A second chance was given to me.
Grace and forgiveness had been there all along,
Because God had offered it to me.
My heart said YES and he came back into my life,
Our relationship was restored.
We BOTH made each other feel important!
How have you used your words to bless someone, write a tribute or make someone feel important?