Communicating in Relationships Using Love Languages
Do you ever feel like certain ways of communication that resonate with you do not for someone else? Maybe that is because how your love tank is filled is not the same as another. Gary Chapman wrote a book called “The 5 Love Languages” that explains his conclusion that there are “five emotional love languages – five ways that people speak and understand emotional love.”
He states in his book, “Inside every child is an ’emotional tank’ waiting to be filled with love. When a child really feels loved, he will develop normally, but when the love tank is empty, the child will misbehave. Much of the misbehavior of children is motivated by the cravings of an empty ‘love tank’…The emotional need for love, however, is not simply a childhood phenomenon. That need follows us into adulthood and into marriage.”
Learning about my love languages and the love languages of others has significantly benefitted my relationships, especially my marriage. When you really take the time to learn about someone and learn how to communicate with them, you will connect with them in ways you never thought possible. But, first, let’s learn about the different love languages…
Words of Affirmation
- Using words to build up
- Express verbal appreciation
- Encouraging words – “Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from (another’s) perspective”
- Tone of voice makes a difference – messages are often more interpreted by tone of voice, not the words we use
- Ideas: write someone a nice note, go out of your way to give someone encouragement, give compliments, tell someone how you appreciate their strengths
Quality Time
- The need for undivided attention
- Avoid distractions – maintain eye contact
- Quality conversations – “sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and desires”
- Genuine desire to understand thoughts, feelings, and hopes
- Learn to listen
- Ideas: No phones during time together, plan a special day for your spouse or time away with friends, ask questions
Receiving Gifts
- Gifts are visual symbols of love and thinking of another
- Gifts may be purchased, found, or made
- Gifts come in all sizes, colors, and shapes
- Can also be the gift of self or the gift of presence
- Ideas: crafting or baking are fun homemade gifts, buy something for someone when it makes you think of them, gift of time
Acts of Service
- Doing things for others with a positive spirit – requires thought, planning, time, effort and energy
- Actions speak louder than words
- Ideas: Take a meal to a friend, offer to watch a friend’s kids for the afternoon, do work around the house without being asked
Physical Touch
- Showing love and communicating through touch
- Touch creates a stronger emotional health and security
- Touch can be used in times of celebration or crisis
- Ideas: Give hugs, Hand on back to show comfort *Acts of physical touch must be appropriate and at the right time and place when not in a marriage context
What to do next…
- Learn your Love Language here!
2. Ask others what their Love Languages are so that you know how to love them and communicate with them.
3. Learn how to communicate in their Love Language.
4. Share your Love Languages with others.
